it is cold here. from where i am sitting, everything seems to be in place, or at least that’s what i think. the positioning of these items in front of me have an uncanny resemblance for what has happened in the past 11 months–there’s absolutely nothing that happened without any reason. from time to time, the secrets of this universe are marvelled upon for the satisfaction it gives once an answer is found.
yet, i have come to realise that the secrets i harbour are the ones that hold so much weight for how avoidant i have been. answers are to be sought but i am still gaining courage to unravel them bit by bit. at times, ignorance is truly a blessing.
like an orchestra, there are symphonies to tell a tale; hardships are never everlasting but the impact of it is evergreen. it could possibly be discerned in two different lights, with many differing connotations. this year has truly been an eye-opener. i have learnt so much about emotions, boundaries, self-love, the epitome of growth and most importantly, i am learning to heal my inner child.
when a melody is played, one could feel a ton of emotions to the point where they drown in it. they are not to be blamed as feelings are very much subjective. for all my life, i have always thought that feelings and emotions are meant to be heavily absorbed; to wear my heart on my sleeve. i defined myself according to what i was feeling and little did i know, that it has made me this jaded person that i (still) am.
my biggest takeaway for this year is that, you do not have to feel deeply. feelings and emotions are to threaded upon very lightly. it is like an afternoon tea, waiting to be sipped. you should not be downing them like hard liquor–it will leave a bitter aftertaste. emotions and your feelings should not hold the power or authority over your logical judgements. you need not feel deeply, they are the ornaments to your chirstmas tree.
the importance of acknowledging and regulating your feelings is often overlooked. by avoiding and sweeping them under a rug causes a lot more problems which could have been avoided. you do not have to pretend to have a strong front and build walls around yourself. you do not have to come up with your very own self-fulfilling prophecies that were curated to pave way for your downfall. be kind to yourself and naturally, you will be kinder to the world.
humans are complicated beings but not everyone is a mystery for me to solve. before finding others and learning about them, i have to first gain full understanding of myself. a ship without her anchor just screams blasphemy.
there is still so much to discover at this tender age of mine. i am still, and will always be willing to learn about myself and my universe.
